Infertility!!!!!!

I will be writing a paper in school about my fertility problems. I'm excited to speak about it to my class mates. I have gone through a lot with infertility; the ups, the down, the wants, the needs, the tears, and the fights. My husband always tells me he does not want kids to make me feel better. I hear his family ask about kids and he just says we do not want them yet. I always feel like its my fault we do not have a child. I feel at blame. A few days after the doctor told be I was infertile I got a blessing in my church. I was told in this blessing that I will have as many children as I want and that my husband will care for and help many children. I feel like the blessing was there to comfort me in a time of need but it holds no truth to me now. I put all my hope into the words of a man that does not even know my name. Yes I am questioning my church and the message behind it. I feel like God would not give my husband and I such heart ache when he gives others such joy. When a mother tells me how much she hopes that her second child is not such a screw up it makes me wonder why? I never get an answer to the questions I ask and I do not get the support from the supposed people that love me. I am lossing faith in my fight to have the family I want.